crasy recital preparations

I am feeling a little frazzled these days. This is not especially abnormal for me. But it is for the summer time. sheesh!

I have a sinus infection. Perfect timing right? a week before my dress rehearsal, meaning 3 weeks before my recital!!! So annoying. This is the 5th time I've been on antibiotics since February!!!! I'm starting to worry. Oh, well, I'll worry about that in due time. I am just trying to get all my songs memorized and ready for next Thursday, when I will sing in front of my teachers and they will tell me If they think I will be ready for my recital two weeks following. I have a lot to do in the next 6 days, and I feel...not so great.

Things are good though. I need to post on some other things. I have some photos waiting. So, Maybe this Sunday I will find some time.

Come to my recital if you want!! I'd love to see you there!

childlike

Can I be a kid again?

Sometimes... I get sick of adult worries and woes. Well, a lot of the time. I'm sick of not having the money I had expected, and of barely making it to the next paycheck. And I mean BARELY. And I'm tired of being so busy. I'm tired of having to make adult choices.

I wish I could be a kid again. When I was a child I played house. That's all I ever did. It was either that or "teacher". I was taking care of and or teaching children in my play-time.

I have discovered about myself recently that much of my frustration lies in the fact that these childhood dreams are inaccessible to me. Have I already mentioned this recently? ah oh well.

So, I am trying to be happy. Trust in the Lord and his timing. And play.

I find joy in being with and talking to my friends. I love reading on my bed and then falling asleep for an afternoon nap. I love mischievously sneaking up on people and squirting my water pistol at them. bahaha! I love sitting in the sunshine. I love dreaming about a future where I can one day be a mom and play with my children. And read books to them. And sing to them. ( shhh. I know that being a mom isn't all happy every moment. I have friends with kids. I hear about it. but lets not crush my dreams at the moment.)

I don't play enough. I forget to be childlike and I forget to always include the Lord. So, here's to hoping I can be a little more childlike and faithfully trusting and not so jaded and frustrated with life. Good luck to me. And to you.

Obviously I had no cares as a child. May I allow my kids to have the same kind of childhood.

rainy car

So, I own a car. This is what my car looks like. (But without the palm trees, as I do not live in CA.) I actually paid it off last month. I received the title in the mail. It was a very adult moment for me. It made me happy.

I sometimes refer to this car as Betsy. Or Bessie. Depending on how the mood strikes me. I have a hippo on the front dash. It's a good conversational piece when I give rides to people I don't know very well.

As I have had this car for 2 years I have learned some things about owning a car (especially not a new one.).
1. You will get better gas mileage if you get an oil change regularly. Also, it's important to check your fluids regularly.
2. A/C is optional. And expensive to fix.
3. It's expensive to be responsible for a car.
4. How to change the blinker lights
5. It's probably wise if you check your tire pressure regularly.
6. Being a single gal, it's really helpful to have roadside assistance. I have used them many, many times.
7. When a car battery is defective, it doesn't like the cold and will refuse to start early in the cold mornings. Prayers needed in these cases.
8. If you leave the hood up of your engine, people, especially men, will ask if you need help. :)
9. If you have acid corrosion on your battery heads you can pour a baking soda and water mixture on them to wash it away.
10. If you clean the outside of your windows and still feel like they are dirty, try washing the inside. Those get dirty too.


My latest adventure with my car is that there is some kind of problem with the seal on the rear right side passenger's door (I once had a hypothesis that it was a rusty bottom of my car). No big deal. Until it starts to rain buckets, like it has the last couple weeks. A few days ago I got in my car and thought "It smells really wet, dirty, and gross in here." Solution: Roll down the windows. And just for good measure I looked in the back and saw a puddle (literally a small pool.) not just damp carpet on the backseat floor. I sighed and drove off to my destination.

Yesterday I came home from church and couldn't handle it anymore, and fearing mold, (As I knew the carpet had been wet for several days by now.) I grabbed the "car rags" I have in my trunk and started to soak up the water, ring it out, and then soak it up again. There was so much WATER!! I would say at least 3 cups, probably more. After I felt like I had gotten as much as I could, I rolled the windows down and (accidentally left the keys on the seat!!) left the mat and rags to dry, as it was a beautiful sunny afternoon.

At about 7:30, clouds were rolling in and I went out and rolled up the windows (found my keys!!! scolded myself for my forgetfulness and felt grateful to live in Provo.) and put the dry mat and rags back in the car. The floor was only slightly dry-er. But no puddle. I was satisfied.

Then it started to rain.

This morning, after said rain, I got in my car.
Puddle has returned. Rusty bottom of car hypothesis gone. Seal of door suspicions confirmed. NOW WHAT?!

Anyone know how to fix that? Before I have a new life form growing in the back of my car...

Anyway, I hope you are having a great day.

"Life can be delish with a sunny disposish"

let me esplain...

No there is too much. Let me sum-up

The last 16 months = the worst time of my life. no joke.

BUT, as I am getting out of this I am learning things.

I am optimistic. Because despite how hard last semester was, I got all A's and B's!! I am proud of myself. And I plan to continue this triumphant-ness for the rest of my college experience. 4 more semesters. Woot.

I had plans to move out of stadium terrace with my, current and awesome, roommate Jamie. That has fallen through and really seems to not have been the right thing. While I am disappointed in the non-move, I have been pleased with changes in the ward and am feeling more a part of the people there and am ok to stay for this summer. But, I'm still looking for a different place for the Fall. I need to have my own room!!!! I can't handle it anymore. And please not 6 roommates anymore!! eesh! I have had over 30 roommates in my life. That's a lot. All of whom I have loved. It was roommates who got me to first blog. :) (Thanks Rebecca. ) At least I know that I have a lot of people I could refer a future husband to if he wants to ask people what I am like to live with. baha... jk I won't be doing that.

Just in case you were wondering, I am not dating anyone. Though I do have hope. Which has been a struggle to hold on to in the last year. But it's getting stronger and more constant again. which is nice. I thank my Heavenly Father for that.

I am still working at the library. I love my job. Lots. It has been awesome.

LDC ended for me 10 days ago. This is bitter sweet. I will have to post more on that when I am not at work...shhh.

Meanwhile, I have a good semester coming up. I am going to work as a chaperone for my Aunt's prestigious Opera Workshop this summer. I'm excited!! especially for the money. That is honestly my main excitement at the moment. But it will be good to be around such talented young people for 3 weeks in July. Also, I am planning my Junior Recital for July 9th. Lots of hard work but it's going to be great. I will remind people as it gets closer. But it's got some great music (a harp will be accompanying me for some of it!).

Anyway, I should end this. I was just reading blogs this morning and felt a need to revive my blogging self again. Peace to you. Have a fabulous day. The weather is getting so nice!!!

teaching

I want to teach voice lessons.

Someday soon.

I have so much in me to give and I want an outlet.

Meanwhile, I struggle through French 1020, Aural SKills 2, Music History 2, Opera Work shop, Health, Chamber choir, Voice lessons, and LDC, this semester. NO WONDER I FEEL REALLY BUSY.

I am looking forward to going to

For Spring break with the Chamber Choir. YAY! practically free trip to San Francisco where I get to sing! I am excited. March 15-20 is when this happiness takes place.

I'd better get back to some homework.

Chosing happiness

The Lord is in my life. It is evidenced in so many things. I am on a path of acceptance, and I'm getting there. Little by little I come to accept His will for me more fully.

Though the path I am on right now causes me pain and loneliness at times I know that it is there for me to become the best me that I can be. It hurts, and I hate it sometimes. But I trust him.

I was having a talk with my roommates the other day, and one of them told us about this article in the February Ensign. This is what struck us all

"I have learned not to sacrifice hope in order to bury pain."

I am working on that. I do a pretty good job most of the time. But sometimes I need to be reminded. Last night my home-teacher said (with out me having said anything about being single) that we have the choice to be happy or sad and if we let our singleness depress us or if we continue to be happy through it all. I can choose. Though it's a hard choice sometimes, I continue to choose happiness.

I choose happiness

Craziness that I'm apparently grateful for.

Crazy days. That's sums up my life for the last 3 months. I have had a really good semester. Only 2 weeks left! yikes. The semester has been SOOOO busy. I have actually been amazed at my ability to roll with the punches and keep on top of all the things I am doing. This semester, for the most part, I have felt like I have finally come into my own. I was actually being the student I've always known I could be.

But I don't deal well with change. It takes me a while to readjust.

So when I started dating someone in the beginning of October, I dropped a ball or two that I was juggling. And I picked them back up again after a couple of weeks. But it's the end of the semester and I am so stressed out I have no motivation or excitement for anything. Which drives me nuts.

For the most part, I did a really good job juggling everything. But I found, that as project deadlines came knocking this month, I started to drop the balls again. And I am now realizing that my spirituality has suffered. I'm so distracted by all that I have to do, that I can't focus on things. The most frustrating of which is my scriptures and saying prayers. I feel like I'm in a funk. I'm not doing anything terrible. But I'm also not where I want to be. And it's OK, I'll get back out of it. Life is about figuring out these kinds of things, like learning to have your spirit overcome your body, even in new situations. While I am struggling to do all I committed to at the beginning of the semester, before I was dating someone, I know that I can do this. Even when I really don't feel like I can, like on days like today.

With a 10-page paper looming over my head, due in 2 days, that I haven't really even started, I want to just crawl in a magic hole and rewind time, so that I didn't have a cold the whole of Thanksgiving week (Which was great, by the way. I loved being with my happy little family.) and then I could have gotten myself to do more homework and less sleeping. But you know what? That's life. And I am choosing to be a creator of my circumstances. I don't have to be a victim to things that happen to me. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. And so, with that in mind, I guess I will end this long over-due post, and get on to the stinking paper about Bach and Handel that I have....get to write.

Life is good. I truly can't complain. I am so blessed I don't even see it all. And when I stop to think about it, my heart swells with gratitude for all the love that I've been given and shown and for the life that He has lead me to have. I know it will only get better with him steering me.

So, I'm off to research dead composers! Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

Joanna

Things I am doing

• LDC- Institute choir :4 hours a week of rehearsals and then personal practices and the performances are just about to start
• UVU Chamber Choir: 3 hrs/week and 2 concerts coming up
• Voice Lessons: 1 hr or more practicing a day + weekly master class and voice lesson
• Chamber Music class: 1credit, learn one song, perform 1 song in a concert in 2 weeks
• Astronomy 1040: 3cr class, I rarely go...But do ok on the tests.
• Biology 1010: 3cr, I have a great teacher.... Biology is just not my subject
• Music History part 1: 3cr This is the class with the huge paper, and one big fat final left
• French 1010: 4cr. I love this class. But I don't have enough time to really learn all the vocab.
• My job at the library:14 hrs a week.

Thats a total of

• 4 different things I memorize music for
• 3, 3 credit classes. 1, 4 cred class, and 3, 1 credit classes, and LDC, and an Institute class
• And my job
• And my calling. Which has a minimal time commitment, for which I am grateful for.

YEs. I am insane.